What is my true purpose in life?

OK, firstly, before you read this, I want it understood I am being open and honest. Everything in this post is my opinion and feelings, and does not represent anyone else but me. Also this thing will be like a novel so if you don't want to read a lot, may I recommend you leave this post now. Secondly, I don’t care what you think of my opinions. So if you got a problem with something I said, don’t reply, oh and save your advice as I likely wont take your advice in. With all that clarified, here goes...

At this point in time, I am a very serious mess. I want to be in a long lasting relationship, but at the same time my previous bad experiences makes the very idea seem like a bad idea. I also am at a point where I want to have sex, like no kidding. I genuinely want to be in a girl, pleasing her, at the same time. I want to hold off on having sex for the right girl, which may never happen (a 1 in 8 billion chance that there is a right girl out there, and I don't have the time, nor patience, nor tolerance to search that many individuals for the perfect girl). I also don't want to go dating a girl who looks like she needs a facelift or serious weight loss (oh, like I'm a vision of beauty(sarcasm)) etc. Think supermodel body and beauty WITHOUT the bad, awful, snotty, up themselves, etc. personality (rare to find girls like the one I'm talking about), and has some nice breasts (I have found C to E to be my bracket of preferred sizes, A and B sizes are flea bites, and are not sexy at all, and F and G is a little too big, even for my taste). Yeah yeah call me picky but unlike SOME, I know what I want physically and personality wise. And she must have a personality ALMOST near identical to mine, and shares many of the same good traits and qualities that I do, and shares similar interests. Sadly I attract all the ugly girls and none of the goddesses which is fu*ked up. When I do meet an attractive girl I like, she is either taken or is too old, too young, or they friend-zone me. I won't go building my body up like The Rock just to get that attractive girl. I won't go out of my way to look like Justin B....... maybe i should change that. I won’t go out of my way to look like Brad Pitt. I would rather be loved for just being me. The casual, chilled, generally fashion challenged (though to be honest, I don't care about fashion), and looks like something from a dump truck (OK maybe that's being a bit over dramatic) - but I'm one of the friendliest, kindest, caring, loving and loyal souls in existence. I just.......To be honest, I’m so depressed and mentally unstable, I sometimes just loose it, simply because whatever control I had is all gone. I sometimes ask myself this question "What is my true purpose in life? What is it that would make me truly happy?"

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