I found him on Bumble and he wouldn't leave me alone

I've been single for a couple of years and only recently plucked up the courage to trying online dating. Before this, I was in a long term relationship and was with my ex for well over 15 years. Getting back on the dating scene has been really scary for me. Some friends recommended Tinder and Bumble so I signed up for those a few months ago hoping they'd be relatively problem free.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into

Having never used dating apps before, I was a little overwhelmed at first at the responses I was getting, mainly on Tinder. Some of them were nice responses and others pretty disgusting although my friends did warn me that I'd be getting messages like that from some people. Bumble was better for me as I felt more in control about who I messaged as women message first. Thinking this could work for me, I came across a guys profile that stood out and messaged him. I didn't get a response for a couple of days but he did eventually respond and his response was really nice.

I'd chat to him on Bumble a few times a day – we'd got into a habit of messaging regularly at certain times of the day. About two weeks after we'd started to message each other, he suggested that we swap numbers and continue getting to know each other outside of Bumble. I was a bit nervous and apprehensive at first but I knew our online relationship needed to progress to something more so I agreed. We ditched Bumble and started messaging each other by text.

At first the texts were really nice – normal. After a few days though, the tone started to change. He began harassing me for naked pictures of myself. Sending naked pictures is something I've never done before and until I'd spoken to my friends about it, I had no idea that sort of thing went on in the dating world. Fortunately, I'm not as 'liberated' as some other women so I refused to send him any naked pictures but I did send him some nice pictures of myself wearing clothes that I normally go out in. This seemed to keep him content for a while and I was still fairly keen on him at that point.

He began to harass me more

It wasn't long until he began to harass me for more photos. Asking for more revealing pictures – bearing in mind by this point I'd already sent him at least 20 or so pictures of me. Naturally I refused which I found out later was a bad idea. I told him that I didn't want to progress our relationship any longer and thought that being an adult, he'd be cooperative and understanding. He text me this message, "You're just a *rick tease like all the others but don't worry I know everything about you and where you live."

The good thing about chatting to him on Bumble was that he didn't have any of my personal contact details. I'd given him a way to track me down – and he did. I work as a finance director for an SME so my details are fairly easy to find online and having my mobile phone number made it easy for him find out everything about me. A couple of days later I was getting flowers at work which I though were from clients. However, none of my clients admitted to sending me any. I was then getting silent phone calls at work – someone would call, and hang up when I began speaking.

Not long after, I was getting woken up by someone ringing the intercom to my flat. This was happening in the early hours of the morning – usually between 2 and 4am. By the time I was out of bed to look on the intercom display, there was nobody there. Then a few days after that, I came home from work to find some things in my flat had been moved. Nothing was stolen but it was as if someone had got in and been through my stuff. That's when I began to really panic. If this has ever happened to you, you'll understand that feeling of dread that comes over you knowing that someone is invading your private and personal space. I was also angry. Part of me just wanted to find this guy and punch him in the face. How could something that started on Bumble end up like this?

I got in touch with the police who couldn't do much without any "evidence". They told me that the things that were happening were all circumstantial and they even refused to get in touch with the guy. Two weeks on and the phone calls still continue. I've installed an alarm in my flat and a webcam. So far, I haven't seen anyone enter but it's starting to affect the quality of my life. I'm really scared and don't know what to do next. Can anyone help or advise me? Has this happened to anyone else before? Have you met anyone on Bumble or any another dating app that has reacted like this? Please help.

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From: United Kingdom,
Posted: 2019-10-14 15:45:22

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Comments/responses from other people...

Comment/reply from: J, United States,
Posted: 2019-10-15 09:44:20

That'd nuts! Surely the law needs to do something? Your being stalked plain and simple.

Comment/reply from: Marcosearchesforbrid, United States, Liverpool
Posted: 2020-09-10 04:12:17

Wow, you had a stalker. You are from UK, I do not know anything about the language of the law of UK that may have anti-stalking. I cannot believe the police would say that because I too had a stalker. We did meet in person but I felt she was not for me after I noticed her way and other number of reasons. Anyway, she continued to stalk me and ruined my chance to meet someone locally. I had enough of that and called the police too and the police said can not do anything here in the US too because they said have to have a threat to harm such as to kill so this is why the police perhaps not doing anything over there. For my case, they did call this woman's hometown police to tell her to stop bothering me and she did stopped and this was in 2004 after a year and half of stalking me. It was through AOL Chat room a friend introduced me to her. I am glad you did something at your flat but you should also contact those dating sites' offices and report about this stalker and they can ban him for life. I would do the same by calling them if I were you. I hope you are safe and OK.

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