Posted by MarkP
- Oct 15, 2024 @15:42
I'm in need of some advice regarding a woman I've had feelings for for years.
We worked together before and I thought we got on well and that there was some sort of "connection", so one night during a Whatsapp chat I suggested going for a drink one night and if I remember correctly her reply was "I don't know what to say about that" or something similar to that but not an outright no, so I put it down to her way of letting me down gently. So I kind of backtracked saying something like "no worries, wouldn't want anything to get awkward between us at work" or something like that, and it was never mentioned between us again and things at work were as normal as usual. She'd even sit right close to me when we were hunched over a PC together and I was even pulled up for favouring her, which I told her too (by the way I wasn't her boss, and am in the UK where workplace relationships aren't frowned upon as they seem to be in the US).
I left not long after (for other reasons, nothing to do with her), then Covid hit and of course nobody hardly saw anyone for 2 years or so due to the Pandemic. We kept in contact via WhatsApp but it was always me that initiated contact not her, usually by sending a silly meme/vid which led to the usual "How you been" type of conversation. We'd chat about work and I'd ask after her and her boys (she's a single mum) etc.
I often got the feeling she only replied to be polite, although often it led to lengthy chats, and in May she contacted me about any jobs where I work as she was thinking of leaving the place we had worked together. She nearly applied for a job at my place but didn't go through with it as the hours clashed with picking up her youngest from school.
I'd often say in the in the time in-between that we should meet up for a coffee sometime and her answer was always "sounds good", although again I thought she might be saying it only to be polite and should I ever actually ask, she'd just make an excuse to not meet.
However this week I messaged her (first time since May) and said I was over her way Saturday and did she want to meet for a coffee (I live in the next town only about a 20 min drive away) and she answered literally straight away saying "what time you over?".
So we finally met up again Saturday after about four and a half years of nothing but WhatsApp chats, and I must admit I was expecting her not to turn up, but she did.
I played it casual and was dressed in just jeans and a t-shirt and trainers (sneakers if you're American), the kind of clothes you'd expect to wear for a casual lunch time coffee, and when she arrived it looked as though she'd done her hair and make-up and 'made an effort' if you know what I mean. I greeted her with a peck on the cheek which she was fine with and we sat and caught up and had a good chat for about 90 minutes, and covered everything, work, her boys, holidays etc. and she couldn't believe it had been over 4 years since we last saw each other.
We left and started to walk in the same direction, as we both were heading towards the shops afterwards, and parted with another peck on the cheek and I'd said we shouldn't leave it another 4 years before meeting again!
I know for a fact she's still single and suggested next time meeting up for a drink, but think she said something about getting some of our other old colleagues out too, but she was quite happy to meet on her own today and it went really well.
What confuses me is she obviously knows I like her in a more than a friend type of way, due to what I've said in the past about asking her out for a drink, etc. so why would a woman think about applying for a job, and meeting up for a coffee with, a guy she knows is in to her, if she doesn't feel the same way?
I don't know what to do now. Should I wait a few weeks and next time we chat ask her out for a drink one night? I'm really confused by the signals so any help from a woman's perspective is greatly appreciated.
I've been carrying around my feelings for her for far too long now, as some kind of emotional baggage which I feel I need to unburden myself from before It gets any worse. So next time we meet, I've decided to ask her out properly, explain that I know she doesn't feel the same way but the offer is always there if she ever changes her mind. And I'll tell her exactly how I feel about her (I'm guessing in person is better than WhatsApp!) and if that means it's the last time we ever have anything to do with each other then I'll have to accept it and move on as staying friendly in the vain hope it might develop in to something else will stop me from moving on and won't be fair on her either as it'll make our friendship a false one and I've too much respect for her to do that.
Sorry for the long-winded post but a females perspective will really help (I hope!)
Comments
Steve
United Kingdom, City unknown
- Posted Oct 15, 2024 @18:22
If you like her, tell her how you feel. You might regret it otherwise. Or you might meet someone else in the meantime, fall in love and then when you do meet her, that ship will have sailed.
Mark P
United Kingdom, City unknown
- Posted Oct 15, 2024 @19:01
Yeah that's exactly what I'm going to do next time we meet. I'll ask her out and when I get the inevitable 'I like you but not in that way/ you're a really nice bloke but... etc' then I'll tell her I know she knows I've always had a soft spot for her and if she ever changes her mind then the offers always there. I'll also tell her exactly why I like her and if it means I never hear from her again at least I know I've been open and honest, regardless of how awkward/embarrassing it might be for both of us, and I'll be able to move on.
Not sure whether I should do it face to face or next time we chat on WhatsApp? (probably just trying to spare my blushes!)
PJ
United Kingdom, City unknown
- Posted Oct 16, 2024 @08:05
I think if nothins happened till now, its not gonna happen at all mate. Sorry to say. Move on. Find yourself someone else who's into you and this will all be a distant memory.
MarkP
United Kingdom, City unknown
- Posted Oct 16, 2024 @08:10
I know you're right but something inside me needs to hear it from her directly, so I can finally get closure and move on. Even though it'll be the last time we ever probably speak or see each other.
MarkP
United Kingdom, City unknown
- Posted Oct 16, 2024 @20:52
Thanks' for the input lads.
After going round in emotional circles I've decided that when we next speak, whether that be in person or via Whats app, I'm simply going to ask her out one more time and when I get the inevitable 'thanks but no thanks/ I don't view you that way' etc etc I'll just say I understand and that's fine but if she ever changes her mind the offers always there.
I'm not going to bear my heart and soul to her that I may have once planned to do as there would be no point once she says no, so then the balls in her court and if I never hear back from her again then so be it. At least I've been true to myself and her
I've based this on the old saying of 'The biggest regret of your life won't be what you did, it'll be what you didn't do'