Is it wrong to allow your partner to fulfil their needs elsewhere on the provision that there is no emotional attachment?
Relationships are so complex because people are complicated. It's common to have a 'honeymoon period' where the intimacy between two people is at its peak, usually at the start of a relationship, before couples have children. It's relatively common for the intimacy between two people to dwindle, but it becomes a problem when one partner wants intimacy more than the other. By intimacy, we mean the sexual kind rather than an emotional connection.
Losing interest in the bedroom can occur for many reasons. Often, the stresses of daily life or a job can take their toll on a person's libido, and that can account for a loss of interest. Other times, a loss of interest could be due to medical reasons, for example, nutritional deficiencies, longterm illness or the menopause.
Guys generally have more of an interest in intimacy than women in a longterm relationship, and that can be a big problem when their partners lose interest. One of the biggest drivers of marriage affairs or cheating is a lack of intimacy in a partner who has higher libido. So what are the options? What should a person do if they crave or desire intimacy and aren't getting enough of it from their partner?
A lot of blogs and information online about the subject will tend to say the same thing; speak to your partner about the issue and try to resolve it together. However, it usually isn't that simple. What if your partner just doesn't have an interest in sex and no matter what you do, or what changes, they still don't? What is a person with a healthy libido supposed to do in this case?
Relationships inevitably breakdown when a person cheats. That's the biggest destroyer of marriage to date. But the majority of cheating is down to one thing. A lack of intimacy. And it's usually the partner with an active interest and need of intimacy that ends up cheating. It can be either the man or the woman, but it's more likely to be the man. Should that person try and suppress their desires somehow? Or should they find a way of fulfilling them? Choosing the second option will inevitably end the relationship, but when you think about it rationally, it really doesn't make sense why it should. If you always took long walks with your partner but decided you didn't want to any longer, wouldn't it be wrong to stop them from walking with someone else if they enjoy it? So why shouldn't they find another means of intimacy?
The main problem is a fear of attachment or falling in love with someone else. A way around this is to find a means of intimacy with minimal risk – usually, that involves paying for it. A lot of people will probably be frowning at this point, but think about it... If your partner paid for sex to fulfil their needs, would that really be so bad, providing they took the necessary precautions, and it was all above board? This is more common than you think, but remarkably, still destroys marriages and relationships. It doesn't make much sense really. It's better than having a relationship with someone else that could lead to a partner falling in love elsewhere.
Many people will argue that when you get married, you take a vow to be with that person for the rest of your life, no matter what. But marriage vows also state that you'll take care of your partner, look after them, nurture them and provide for their needs. I see a lot of contradiction there with what actually happens in reality.
Sadly, there isn't one. We can only provide an opinion. Our opinion is that couples should discuss any issues relating to intimacy, and if one partner has no interest but the other does, it should be acceptable for them to seek sex elsewhere. This is on the provision that there is an agreement between the couple that the intimacy will be limited to fulfilling physical desires only, and there would be no emotional attachment. Would this work in practice though? We don't know. It makes sense that it should though.
We'd like to hear from people who are in a situations like these where partners have lost interest in intimacy for whatever reason. Please get in touch with us by leaving a comment below. If you're not a Flirthut member, or prefer to comment anonymously, you can contact us here letting us know that you're responding to this blog.
Written by Phil Connor
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I'd let my girl do the same so I agree. Guys and girls should be equally able to satisfy their needs if the relationship isn't providing it for them.
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