Many of us just aren’t used to being in each other's shoes for long periods. The Coronavirus lockdown has forced this on many people and relationships are feeling the strain.
There's no doubt that the world is seeing a big change with recent events. The majority of the population worldwide will be affected by the Covid-19 outbreak somehow. Regardless of the outcome, this pandemic will be remembered throughout history. With all the negativity in the media, the rumours, the differences in opinion, the political divides, the sadness and the sorrow, we all need a bit of positivity or things to lift our spirits.
This blog shouldn't be taken too seriously, but it may apply to quite a few people reading it so I hope it can offer some advice. Relationships are complex at the best of times and there is a multitude of psychology behind all the different types. This blog is focused on those who are in a relationship already but have another partner they can't see at the moment. Before you frown, this kind of thing is quite rife, and obviously, the Coronavirus will have put a spanner in the works for many people. With all the social isolation going on, it's likely to destroy relationships. Not just between husband and wife, or long term partners, but also between secretive lovers.
Imagine, or not, that you've been cheating on your husband, having an affair with your boss at work. Then all of a sudden, you're forced to isolate. Your relationship with your boss began as a fling, but you've grown stronger feelings for him. What do you do? Do you risk telling your husband the truth while you're in isolation? Or do you just ride it out and hope you'll see them again soon? What if isolation lasts for weeks or even months? And you can't even talk to them during that period? What if your boss spends so much time with his wife that his relationship rekindles and he losses interest in you?
Relationship breakdowns happen for many reasons; the most common being related to a lack of interest or s*x. If you're in a relationship like this, perhaps now is a good time to focus on getting it back to how it was when you first started it.
If you have kids, then I understand this isn't easy. The pressure is mounting on parents everywhere having to not only cope with their significant other but also demanding kids, day in day out. The first thing to do is to take a deep breath and find some time in the day or evening to focus on yourself. You need to clear your head so you can analyze your relationship and to try and identify why and how it became toxic. You should be realistic and honest. It's not always the other person's fault. Things must have been good at one point; otherwise, you wouldn't have got together. Think about the good old days and try and establish what made them good. If you have children, the first thing that'll probably pop into your head is 'kids', without wishing them away of course because they are the best thing that happened to you. Remember that children put a strain on all parents and carers. If they didn't, we'd be having a lot more of them! The strain isn't the issue though. It's how you deal with it. Understanding why things might be difficult is an important step to finding ways to make them easier.
The excitement and intensity of the honeymoon period won't last in any relationship. If you are expecting it to, then that's a problem. We all want to experience different things throughout our lives, but we should be realistic - and the sooner you accept this, the easier your relationship could rekindle. Having a family tends to speed up the 'destruction' of the honeymoon period. You were once focused on each other and now you're focused on your children. It's natural. If you don't have kids, but the love for your longterm partner has diminished, then there are other reasons for its demise. This is where it becomes a bit more complicated because the reasons are often small and escalate over time. Most of us tend to pick up on the faults of another to try and correct them, but we can't change people. So these faults start to annoy us, more and more. Eventually, they build-up to the point where the integrity of a relationship is compromised, and eyes start to stray.
To help you, there is a little exercise you can do that's based around re-programming your mind. Find a quiet time to yourself, somewhere where you won't be disturbed for half an hour or so. Get yourself some relaxing music - there's plenty of choice on YouTube but just be careful to choose one that doesn't have adverts to interrupt you in between. Play the music quietly to help you relax as you lay down on a bed, sofa or sit up comfortably. Make sure you are very comfortable. Breath in through your nose slowly and out of your mouth. And as you do so, feel yourself relaxing deeper with each breath you take. Concentrate on your breathing and switch off your mind from any other thoughts. Keep breathing slowly for about five to ten minutes and let your eyes close. When they do, let your mind think about those days at the start of your relationship. Focus on everything that made it so amazing. Feel the happiness and joy you experienced at the time. Bring up lots of these thoughts into your mind and imagine each one as an event on a TV screen up in front of you. Don't worry about how clear each picture is or whether you can even see much. Then slowly, expand each screen and imagine the picture growing so big that it encompasses you, fuses with your entire being as you absorb it completely. Then do the same for the next image. And the next. Until all the images have gone. Practice doing this as often as you can and see if your feelings towards your partner change. You'll be surprised.
Affairs can be very damaging, and we're not condoning them here or judging anyone for having them, just merely offering some advice.
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Written by Andrew S
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