The internet has changed the way people meet, but its success rates appear no different from that of traditional match-ups and blind dates. It's just a tool after all, and at the end of the day, it's your personality and mutual chemistry that determines whether you walk out of a date hand-in-hand with someone or empty-handed. Regardless of whether the internet facilitates your meet-up, here are a few basic principles that you should keep in mind to avoid having a stressful experience regardless of how your date turns out.
You are an adult. Throw away those high school and college fantasies. Someone who seems perfect online may look far different in reality. Chances are that your date is thinking along the same lines, but if you're mature enough to stand up to your commitments, your anxiety will simply melt away. Good looks aren't everything and even if your expectations are somehow in line with how you think your date will look like, such a flimsy basis for agreeing on a date with him or her will not do you any good. Just one small deviation from your inflated assumptions of him or her can make your romance come crashing down. That rule applies to him or her as well.
Your date is not a sex object. He or she is a human being you wish to see and know in person. This is, after all, the primary purpose of your date. Therefore, kick the sex thing out of the equation. Men should particularly take note. Their brains are wired towards visual arousal, so most of the time, they are the ones who expect sex. Men have to remold themselves to discard their mistaken view of women (or other men, if they're the ones you are sexually attracted to) as mere toys for pleasure. These backward views should no longer have a place in today's society.
In a society where their bodies are com-modified, women might feel the pressure to oblige their date. They should be aware that they are not required to have sex with their date, under any circumstances. You can call the date off if the person you are meeting is pressuring or manipulating you in any way. In fact, an uncomfortable feeling is enough to bail out. You always have the right to say "no."
When you begin to talk, you might discover that you don't have much in common with your date after all. Maybe he or she is an expert on rocks, quantum physics, and Hegelian philosophy while you enjoy the Lakers. Perhaps you've discovered that a particular attitude or belief that doesn't match with your values. After your date, respectfully bring these observations up. You can discuss whether you would like to go on a second date considering the substantial differences. Although it might feel awkward at first, it's better to for both parties to express their opinions honestly and sincerely so that your date ends on a good note. This gives you the chance to wish your date the best of luck in finding a better partner if the two of you decide that the first date will be your last.
A first date is just an introduction. While you should recognize that you are an imperfect person, you don't have to make a litany of all your sins and shortcomings on your first date. It's plain intimidating to the person whom you are going to meet. They are not a guidance counselor. Even if they are, make it a point to stick to the basics: tell them your name, ask them theirs, and learn more about them by talking about your shared interests as this is where your conversation will begin to deepen. There will be a time and place to exchange baggage with each other, but that time probably shouldn’t be your first date. You don’t have to pretend to be optimistic or happy-going if you are not, but tone it down if you're interested in having another date with the person you like.
While both of you can and should be sincere when telling each other what you really think about the topics or questions that get brought up, it doesn't mean either of you should monopolize the discussion. Men, in particular, tend to react violently when their date's opinions don't fit with theirs, although some women tend to behave that way as well.
You are adults, not bickering children. Instead, what you do is to say "I think you might be right on that" before you say "but…". In the art of persuading people to change their opinions, acknowledging any grain of truth that a person says before explaining the facts or part of the discussion that he or she doesn't know can go a long way to convince them to think about why they were wrong. See? You didn't have to sugarcoat their fallacious thoughts or feed their ego. It's a matter of having your opinion but discussing your differences in a manner that they can rationally accept without emotional color.If you're looking for free online dating, sign up today at Flirthut! We provide an easy way to match with people online, without a catch - register today!
Written by Tanya S
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