Jane, the Online Dating Ghoster

Ghosting has been around for as long as online dating has existed, and most people who have tried finding love through apps or websites have experienced it at some point. Typically, ghosting occurs when one person decides they no longer want to engage in conversation and simply stops responding. It's frustrating, yes, but somewhat understandable - people change their minds, lose interest, or find someone else. However, in recent years, ghosting has evolved into something even more bizarre and abrupt, leaving the ghosted party utterly bewildered.

This blog is written from the perspective of a man looking to meet a woman, but I know that this kind of experience happens across the board. I'd love to hear from women who have gone through something similar because I suspect this new level of ghosting isn't gender-specific.

The Story of Jane: A Masterclass in Instant Ghosting

To illustrate this phenomenon, let me share a personal experience. I matched with a woman named Jane on an online dating site, and we exchanged several messages. Things seemed promising - our conversation flowed naturally, and we had enough in common to keep things interesting. After a few days of chatting, I suggested that we continue our conversation on WhatsApp, where messaging would be more convenient. She agreed, and we moved our conversation to the new platform.

Once on WhatsApp, we continued chatting, and everything seemed to be going well. Not long after, Jane suggested that we have a proper chat. I assumed she meant a phone call, so I was happy to agree. However, actually getting her to commit to a time for the call proved to be a challenge. Every time I suggested a time, she would decline due to work commitments or other vague reasons. Then, one day, Jane messaged me out of the blue: "Hey, home now. Are we messaging or chatting?"

Encouraged by her enthusiasm, I responded, "Let’s chat for a bit? Can I call you in a minute?" I figured this was the natural next step - after all, she had been the one to suggest we have a conversation. But what happened next left me completely baffled. I waited for her response. Ten minutes went by. Then thirty. I checked WhatsApp and noticed that my message had only a single tick, meaning it hadn't been delivered. Confused, I clicked on her profile and saw that her profile photo had disappeared. That was a bad sign. In WhatsApp terms, this usually means that someone has removed you from their contacts or blocked you.

Just to confirm my suspicion, I logged back into the dating site where we had originally met. Sure enough, she had completely disappeared from my contacts there as well. She hadn't just ghosted me - she had seemingly erased all evidence that I had ever existed in her digital world.

Why Do People Ghost So Abruptly?

I've been ghosted before, but this was something else. It was like a switch had flipped in her mind within seconds of me responding to her question. No argument, no weird messages, no awkwardness - just a sudden and total disappearance. Why does this happen? Here are some possible explanations:

Extreme Impulsivity – Some people struggle with making decisions and second-guess themselves constantly. Jane might have suddenly decided she didn't want to talk on the phone, panicked, and cut off contact without thinking it through.

Emotional Instability – This kind of erratic behavior suggests that she may have had some personal struggles or anxieties that caused her to react irrationally.

Avoidance Issues – Some people ghost to avoid confrontation or discomfort. If she suddenly felt uneasy about speaking on the phone, she may have chosen to disappear rather than face the situation.

Catfishing or Deception – While I don't suspect this was the case here, some people pretend to be someone they're not online. When the time comes to talk or meet in person, they panic and vanish.

Power Play or Ego Boosting – Some people enjoy the attention they get from online interactions but have no real intention of taking things further. When the conversation reaches a turning point, they check out.

The Emotional Impact of Being Ghosted

Ghosting at any stage is frustrating, but when it happens so suddenly and without warning, it can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and even questioning yourself. Did I say something wrong? Did I misread the situation? The truth is, ghosting often says more about the ghoster than the ghosted. If someone can drop off the face of the earth that quickly, they probably weren't emotionally mature enough for a relationship in the first place. Over time, experiencing repeated ghosting can lead to dating fatigue and even cynicism about online dating in general. But the important thing is to remember that there are still plenty of emotionally stable, honest, and kind people out there who are genuinely looking for a connection.

How to Handle Ghosting

If you find yourself ghosted in such an extreme way, here's what you can do:

• Don't take it personally. Ghosting is a reflection of the other person’s issues, not yours.
• Avoid seeking closure. You won't get it. People who ghost this way are unlikely to give you a valid reason.
• Move on quickly. The best way to deal with ghosting is to accept it and move forward.
• Learn to recognize red flags. If someone is inconsistent in communication or hesitant about meeting/talking on the phone, be cautious.

Conclusion: Ghosting in the Modern Dating World

Ghosting has always been a frustrating part of online dating, but cases like Jane's show that it's reaching new and absurd levels. The anonymity and ease of online interactions have given people the ability to disappear instantly without explanation. While ghosting is hurtful, it's important to remind yourself that it's their loss, not yours.

If you've experienced extreme ghosting like this before, share your story! Have you ever had someone vanish on you in an instant for seemingly no reason? Let's discuss how online dating has changed and how we can navigate it with our sanity intact - leave your comments below.

Join Flirthut for a more genuine dating experience, where we encourage meaningful connections and open communication, so you don't have to worry about disappearing acts like Jane's.