How to spot if your date is already attached

Statistically, a significant proportion of (predominantly) men that register on dating sites online are married or with a significant other already. And if you're wondering why, there are a lot of reasons, but most are related to physical dissatisfaction in some way. We're not here to judge anyone, but for someone who is looking for a life long partner, meeting someone who is already attached can cause all sorts of problems inevitably leading to disappointment and a harsh relationship breakdown.

The tell tale signs

So how do you know if someone you're dating is already attached? Sometimes it's not that obvious but persistence and patience will eventually expose the truth behind someone's claimed relationship status. We've come up with an '8 point checklist' to assess how likely the person you're dating is already in a relationship with someone else. It's best to do the 8 point check once you've been dating someone at least a few weeks and you are at that stage where things are progressing to the next level.

Our 8 point check is essentially a list of 8 questions. The more questions you answer 'yes' to, the more likely they are to be in a relationship already. To begin with, you need to find out as much as you can about your date without stalking them. Being subtle is important so you don't give anything away. Don't go overboard and start prying into their previous relationships or finding out about their family etc. None of that is important for our checklist. What you should be looking for is whether there are any tell-tale signs of them being in a relationship already.

The 8 point checklist

1. Is their social media relationship status unclear?
2. Are their public social media photos and comments limited and unclear?
3. Are they busy doing other things often rather than seeing you?
4. Are they reluctant to go on dates near their home?
5. Do they usually only see you for a short period of time?
6. Do they only like to speak to you on the phone/by text at certain times?
7. Do they forget important things about you?
8. After several dates, do you still know little about them?

Is their social media relationship status unclear?

One of the most obvious things to look for is whether any of their social media profiles state that they're in a relationship. Most people that are can't always disguise a social media relationship status. If their relationship status isn't visible, that can be a bad sign. People who are in a healthy relationship are usually happy to share that with others through social media. Equally, people who are single are also happy to share that because it opens up opportunities for them by letting visitors know. If you've been dating them a while, you could always try asking them to add you as a friend on one of their social media accounts. Not everyone is happy doing this unless they know someone well, but there's a good chance they are hiding something if they refuse.

Are their public social media photos and comments limited and unclear?

Assuming they have at least one social media account, the next thing to look out for is the public information they've chosen to share. A lot of people don't necessarily want to share pictures and information about their personal life to strangers online so use your best judgement on this. Most people will have some pictures on their public profiles and comments from friends and family. If your date has nothing showing, it could be a sign that they are trying to hide elements of their other life from you. Single people are more likely to share more information publicly through social media than those in a relationship.

Are they busy doing other things often rather than seeing you?

If you've been asking them to events, to meet your friends, on dates etc. but they have been making excuses quite a lot, there is a good chance they are struggling to find the time to see you. This could be because they have other commitments with an existing partner or family.

Are they reluctant to go on dates near their home?

If you've been on several dates and all of them seem to be near yours or fairly far from their home, they could be ensuring that nobody they know spots them out with you. A good indicator of this is to ask them for their address somehow. If they refuse to give it to you or are very vague about where they live, they could be hiding a partner and more. OK, so not everyone wants to give out their address to someone they've only been dating a few times, but most people will at least share their town and want a potential date to visit it. If all your dates are nearer theirs, start being suspicious and use the 'postal gift' tactic. This is when you ask them for their address because the last date you had was so lovely that you want to send them a little something before you next meet to say thank you. If they refuse, it's likely they are hiding something.

Do they usually only see you for a short period of time?

Are you spending enough time with them? We all have busy schedules so it's not always easy to spend a lot of our free time with our dates, but if your dates are short or they only see you for s*x, then they could be (1) just using you for s*x or (2) unable to spend too much time with you as it would arouse suspicion with their current partner or family.

Do they only like to speak to you on the phone/by text at certain times?

Have you tried calling them during the day or early evening and had the phone call dropped? Do they always insist you call them at a particular time? Someone with a partner will usually have commitments at certain times of the day. They'll want to spend time with them just after work so calling them at that time will be very inconvenient for them. The same applies for days off work, like weekends. If they're never available then, chances are they're out with their other half doing things that couples do. A good test is to call them during these times - see if they drop the call and follow up with a text message saying they can't speak right now.

Do they forget important things about you?

People who are single and want a partner are much more likely to remember things a potential partner has told them. That's because they are more focused on pleasing their potential partner and not wanting to disappoint them. People who are hiding another partner are less likely to do this because they are having to remember things about their real partner and can often forget what you've told them. If your date is frequently forgetting things about you and you find yourself repeating yourself, it could be because they have someone else to remember in their head.

After several dates, do you still know little about them?

And lastly... Ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself. How much do you really know about them? People who are genuinely single will share a lot of information about themselves to their potential other half. After several dates, you should really know a fair bit about them like their kids names (if they have any), where they live, what they drive, where they usually hangout etc. If you know very little about them, chances are they are purposely withholding information from you so that you're less likely to find out the truth about them.

Stay cautious but ultimately use your own judgement

Hopefully the 8 point checklist will help you determine if your date already has a partner but ultimately, it's up to you to decide. Our 8 point checklist is particularly relevant if you've been dating someone for a while.

If you're looking to date and meet people near you, Flirthut is a great place to start. It's a completely free dating service for anyone, so come and join us today!