If you are both attracted to each other, then age shouldn't be relevant in a relationship. However, there are things that you should take note of…
I've dated several older women in my time and thought I should share some of my experiences and advice to any guys out there thinking of doing the same or with an older partner. There's nothing wrong with dating someone older no matter what anyone else tells you. Age is just a number and providing you are both getting what you need from a relationship, it doesn't matter who's older or younger.
My first experience dating an older woman was when I was 18 years old. She was a lady that I'd see almost every day and although it took us months before we actually got together, she would often focus her attention on me in a room with lots of other people. I was quite a naive 18 year old at the time and didn't realise she was attracted to me until she made it very obvious one day. It was a very embarrassing situation for her as I backed away out of shyness when she attempted to kiss me the first time. Fortunately I plucked up enough courage to kiss her back the following day but she did have to endure a whole day thinking that all her flirtatious efforts were in vain.
As an 18 year old, a lot of girls my own age were difficult to attract. I was quite a mature guy for my age and younger girls tended to go for guys that acted like complete idiots - and complain about them later. Yes the world is a strange place. I wasn't an unattractive guy - a lot of people would complement me on my looks so the lack of attraction with younger women certainly wasn't an appearance thing. Younger girls enjoyed the chase and were looking for more forceful guys who would show them attention. I wasn't one of those. I was actually looking for a woman to do the same to me. My hormones were also in ultra-high mode and like any 18 year old, I wanted lots of sexual experiences. Younger girls would talk more about s*x than practice it so older women were more attractive to me.
When we started dating for the first time, her warmth and sensitivity kept me with her. Older women have had their fair share of life experience and are more empathetic in lots of situations. Guys need empathy just like women do. We might not make it so obvious, but we do. Every living being craves empathy and nurturing. Younger women just failed to provide these as they were too focused on themselves.
Age is just a number really and providing you're attracted to your partner, age shouldn't matter. For most guys though, they seem to be concerned with what their friends might think. I know because I was in the same position. I didn't want to tell anyone I was dating a woman who was 38 years old at the time because I was worried people would comment or make fun of me. And sure enough, one day they did. I was kissing her in public and a guy my own age who walked past made a horrible comment that I'll never forget "She's old enough to be your mother." That comment stuck with me for the rest of the time I was with her and it eventually led to us splitting up. Looking back on those years, I wish I'd punched that guy in face. How dare someone make a comment about someone else's personal life especially when they had no idea who she or I was.
After 2 years together we eventually split, partly due to me thinking about the age gap all the time and because of her possessive nature. By the way, I'm not saying all older woman are possessive - I just happened to be with one that was and it became a big emotional problem for me. The years that followed saw me dating a few more older woman just because they were far more down to earth, easier to get on with, more practical, better in bed, more caring and loving, and financially independent.
Show any woman respect and she'll do the same for you. Don't use her just for s*x unless it's clear that's what you're both after. Be honest with her and be sure you can be comfortable going out with her and being seen with public with her. If you are after a s*xual experience with an older woman, try and make it clear in the nicest way possible that that's what you're after. Don't let her think that she may have a long lasting relationship with you because she'll fall for you and it will be very hurtful when you leave her. A lot of older women are looking for s*xual experiences with younger guys for various reasons but these tend to be short lived and she'll want something more than just s*x - so beware. Don't make comments about younger women around her. Just avoid the subject completely. If she brings it up, just keep any response you have brief and try and change the subject. Her insecurity will be testing you to see if you're likely to stray away for someone younger.
Older women may be going through hormonal challenges and their mood may change frequently. They may often need more comforting and affection. It's your role to provide this and ensure you make them comfortable. There will be days when she wonders why you're with her when you could have a girl much younger. Keep emphasising to her how much you adore her and how much she means to you. She wants and needs to hear this regularly. Don't get upset when she has a 'bad' day and might not want to see you. Give her space and let her deal with things in her head her own way. She'll be different the following day.
Chances are, she'll have more money than you. She'll be in a position of more authority than you in her profession. And she may even have more possessions than you. Never forget that she's had far more time in life to achieve things so don't pretend to be something you're not. Be honest with her and she'll respect you for it. If you can't afford to do something that she can, tell her. Don't get yourself into debt just to fit in with her and her social life. If you mean anything to her, she'll understand.
If you've been dating her a while, make sure you are both clear about where the relationship is heading. If it is something shorter term for you, make sure you make it clear to her. Don't lead her on and make her think you may get married and have a lifelong relationship together unless that's what you really want.
It's kind of sad that I have to write a blog entitled 'dating an older woman' when age shouldn't really be factor in any relationship if the relationship is providing what it should do and needs to. Ultimately, don't consider the age as a barrier. Look at the person, the qualities they have and what they can provide in a relationship. Forget about the number.
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Written by A. Simpson
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