It's fairly common to find that flame dwindling. Our lives can be busy at times but it's important to find time and ways to encourage those flames to rise again. In this blog, we discuss how.
Getting a committed partner is hard and staying in a long-term commitment is harder. Many people continuously look for new stimulation that long-term relationships tend to become bland over time unless the bonds are deepened. Thus, it is normal for anyone to experience highs and lows in their relationship. It's another thing altogether if the reasons for losing connection lies in chronic abuse or toxicity on the part of one of the parties or both. Otherwise, what you need is to spend more alone time together - to listen, to act, to deepen your understanding.
When one or both parties are too busy with work or studies, it is inevitable for both parties to spend less time with each other. No matter how busy you are, make sure to allocate a whole day to meet each other personally. For example, if both of you are of the religious type, consider your Sundays as a non-negotiable day when you two can be together every week. Learn to say "no" to extra work that can drastically reduce your meet-up times. By showing your willingness to spend precious time with each other, you mutually reinforce trust and appreciation.
As an axiom says, "if there's a will, there's a way." Being busy is in itself, not an excuse. You have to be strict in your time allotments. For instance, you can set 6 p.m. every day after work as your "must-leave" time so that you can fetch your partner at their workplace or meet them at a designated place. Another strategy is for you to meet your partner every Monday-Wednesday-Friday, while they go to your place after work every Tuesdays and Thursdays. Talk about your meet-up times and how you can encourage each other to stick to those times.
Give yourself an added incentive to meet each other after work or school by assigning your early evenings for a jog at the park, cycling, yoga, or aerobic dancing. Exercise is not only good for your physical health and appearance. It also helps release pleasure hormones that can relieve stress after work, while at the same time giving you the good vibes. If you both have kids, they can join you as well.
Amid the stresses you experience in this world, even small acts of kindness every day can boost your spirits. That's not just a feeling-the effects of kindness on your health are measurable. Compliment them or help them fix their dress from time to time - that will go a long way in showing your concern for their wellbeing. If your partner falls ill, take the initiative to drop by their house for a surprise visit.
Showing kindness often doesn't mean you should sugarcoat their mistakes or avoid criticism. As part of the relationship maturation process, you should learn how to bring up problems constructively and respectfully. The principle of daily kindness is not the same as toleration or fostering laziness or overdependence, but showing genuine concern for each other's welfare.
Time with your partner is supposed to be time well-spent, so don't forget to thank them for being with you. Remind them of their value for you every time they celebrate their birthday, or you celebrate your anniversary as a couple. At the same time, the other party should do the same. You can express your gratitude by writing each other letters or cards, instead of dropping a message on your phone.
Are there problems in the family, work, health, or even in your relationship that they struggle to open up? As their most intimate partner, it is your responsibility to lend them an ear where they can vent their frustrations or rants. This doesn't mean you should always sympathize with them when they're in the wrong. You have to encourage them to open up their problems and let the emotions pass. Don't interrupt with comments or suggestions unless they ask you. Then, once they're finished, you can begin talking about suggested solutions that would help them deal with the problem at hand.
It's not only the heat or sweetness of your old days that you need to revive from time to time. Each opportunity to warm-up should also be times when you need to push your relationship to a more mature level. Only then can you determine if the problem lies not merely in the level of maturity and acceptance but in incompatibility as well. The deepening of relationships, after all, is not a one-way street but a mutual one.
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Written by Tanya S
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