Are adult dating sites a con?

I feel the need to share this with people as I get very frustrated at how ignorant some men are. I split up with my boyfriend last year because I caught him using some adult dating sites that he’d registered on and I was sure he was cheating on me. However, almost a year later, I can’t help but think I acted irrationally particularly as I found out recently how much of a con most, if not all, of these adult dating sites are. I never actually caught him cheating but the use of these sites was enough for me.

Recently, I decided to do a little experiment. I signed up to some of these adult dating sites as a guy (using my ex's pic) to get the experience from a male perspective and I was shocked at what I found out. Having spent a great deal of cash on my experiment, I left feeling deflated and unenthusiastic. Without mentioning any names as I’m sure the moderators at Flirthut wouldn’t let me say them anyway, I signed up to several of the biggest names in adult dating and I was shocked to find out exactly how they operate. Getting me to sign up was the best bit. I was enticed by offers of free membership, free sign up, free this and that – you get the picture. Well, all of them were definitely FREE to sign up but none of them were FREE to use. First con. Now, I didn’t pay to use the sites initially so I could get a flavour as to how they would attempt to sell me paid membership. Surprisingly, when I first signed up to all the sites, I was inundated with messages from women, winks, presents etc. Not being funny here, but most women wouldn’t be that forward with a complete stranger, particularly a guy. It’s like me running through an office block in a bikini in order to get attention. How many women would actually do that?

Now, on most of the sites, I couldn’t read any of the messages without paying to do so, but I could see the subject lines. Most of the sites also let me view the senders profiles and shock horror, there is no way on earth any of those women are real. They are either computer generated messages or spammers. I’m no prude, I love being intimate as much as any other woman, but guys, please, come on now… If you’re falling for that rubbish then there’s no hope for you. Three of the sites I signed up to (and coincidentally they are three of the biggest), had me viewing my inbox frequently with messages. In the space of a week, I must have received around 50 messages on each site. Anyway, I signed up for a month’s membership with each site and I was even more shocked when I actually read the message content and responded accordingly. Most of the messages were spammers or people asking me to go to other sites and the other ones seemed to be machine generated like “hi, you look very sexy and I’d love to get to know you. Message me back if you want some hot action with me.”. Guys, guys, guys, if you fall for this *hit, I’m sorry, I’d rather be single for the rest of my life. And, not surprisingly, after I had paid for membership, I got NO messages from anyone again. I also didn’t get any responses back to the messages I had sent out. I delved into these sites a bit further and discovered they are all owned by the same company claiming to have millions of members around the world. Yeah right. Millions of artificially generated members and spammers.

So, the lesson to be learnt here is, adult dating sites don’t work. If they have worked for you and you’re reading this, please do share your comments. I’d love to hear from someone, anyone, who has actually benefited from using adult dating sites.

Comments/responses from other people...

Comment/reply from : ShapeShifter - South Africa - Midrand
Posted : 2013-07-28 19:23:03

Some time ago, the sites were not so much of a con - yes, if you wanted to contact people, you had to become a paid member, but originally, and still now, you get to chat with people, and you could sneakily include contact information - on some sites on pain of being temporarily banned - but this has mostly changed now, and for the past few years these "Sex sites in a box", all running off the same basic logic, has proliferated.

Strangely enough, in the same time, the porn pay sites have been rendered largely irrelevant by the rise of sites that offer totally free shared porn - a quick search turns up a lot of these - and like the dating sites, the words "Join for free" are a dead giveaway that the site is anything but free - and you do not get to understand this until after you have wasted your time filling out interminable forms to register.

This site is a pleasant change - I wish it well.

Comment/reply from : asimeou - United Kingdom - Twickenham
Posted : 2013-07-28 19:32:40

I totally agree with Shape Shifter. People need to understand the differences between phrases like “join for free” or “sign up for free” and “free to use”. I have come across a few other sites that use the words “completely free” but don’t specify which part of the site is completely free. The worst ones are those which are free to use but request payment to communicate with other members. How on earth is that free? The service is non-functional if you can’t actually communicate with someone. It's just false advertising and a big con. So thank you Flirthut for actually being one of the honest ones.

Comment/reply from : Coolio - United Kingdom -
Posted : 2014-02-14 17:25:19

I’ve just had a similar experience and I’m actually stepping out of the whole online dating scene to be honest. I joined Match and I’m really peed off about how they run their service. Even if you are a paid member which I was, you don’t know if other members are paid members so you could be messaging them without even knowing whether they’ll ever get your message or not. Total rubbish and bad system just designed to make money. Match can go and stick it up their a**ses as far as I’m concerned. I’m going back to the old fashion way of meeting people outside.

Comment/reply from : 0 - Germany - Bonn
Posted : 2015-09-03 15:19:10

Hi Emma,

Thanks for your post. I went previously to some sites which are not known as adult dating sites, but in fact are not very far away from it - meaning I had to pay for membership to be able to send/receive messages and for sure there have been a lot faked messages from even more faked profiles. On the other hand I met also real women with whom I could start sending emails outside the dating site and even had cam chats with a few of them.

I would say it's most likely not the place to find a partner for life (although the Asian dating site I used had most female members (if real or not) saying that they would look for a life-time partner). I think it depends a lot on what you / man are looking for. If the first email from a girl was a naked pic I knew it wasn't worth continuing it, but if it takes ten messages to receive a picture of the woman it is different. I was usually looking for erotic chats and although it took often quite long time, I could find it sometimes.

I agree with you that if you look for love adult sites are the wrong domain, but I believe that it's rather unlikely to find love online. I might be old fashioned, but I still believe that love is something I rather find in the real world.

Happy to continue talking with you about this - if you or anyone else is interested.