Mixed signals, or am i too scared or oblivious?

Hey - and sorry, this is gonna be a long post, so its cool if you don't have the time.

I have this situation with a girl from my college. We have been in the same study group for half a year and have talked regularly. I feel there could be a connection. A guy from our study group has said this, to us both together, that he didn't want to intrude on our conversation because we had something going on. And on another occasion he asked us straight up if we had something going on and he had talked with a girl from our study group about us being good together. I am a quiet guy, so i just said "shut up" and quickly moved on with our conversation before going. I just can't deal with that sort of thing. I know him, so it was all in good spirit. But i don't really pay attention to signs from a girl. My friends often ask why I didn't make a move because this or that girl was into me, but i am oblivious to it. I am sounding like a super douchebag, but every girl is not interested in me I know - its just once in a while they say something like that. I am so bad with girls.

First of all, i have never had crush on a girl before, so it's new for me to like a girl this way. This is how i feel: I’m past the point of no return where my sense of identity goes completely haywire when I’m around her. I’ve built this girl up so much in my head and there’s nothing I can do to reverse it. Attraction isn’t a choice. She has me.
Before I go into details, my question or concern is this: I feel like there is some mixed signals from her, so I am afraid of asking her if she want to grab a beer or something. I feel like she isn't completely uninterested?

So three things have happened:

1) One night we both sat up and texted each other. We had a paper to hand in the next day and she said she would buy me a beer if she passed and I said I would buy her one to celebrate. When summer break came, I wrote to her on a Friday evening if she was going out this weekend, she wasn't so i texted her "Good, then I don't have to feel bad about not buying you that beer" and she wrote "Why not? I was looking forward to that beer :-D", so i responded "I am not going out either ;-)".

2) After she said that, I got pretty confident and maybe too excited. So next Monday, I asked if she wanted a cup of coffee either Thursday or Sunday. But she said that she was too busy that week because something bad had happened in her family and she needed to spend more time with them. I thought it was just a bad excuse, but something bad had happened, I know. Still, that took the wind out of me because I really liked her, so I thought it was better to just try and forget about her. Perhaps I gave up too quickly here?

3) Friday night, the week after i asked her for coffee, she texted if I was out tonight. She never responded back but we texted the next day, but not about that. I evaded the topic.

What do i feel about the situation? I feel that there is some interest from her part - I know that she can be a little shy. But because i feel this way i am actually scared of doing anything, and I am usually a no nonsense guy - if she is not interested, cool. But I am actually scared of really trying with this girl. Nothing has really happened.
I know I can just ask her for that beer again, but because of these dumb emotions, I am over thinking and over analyzing everything. My friends say that she isn't cold and i should just ask her again, but I a am genuinely scared... I don't think i can let it go until she gives me a clear sign she’s not interested, all I can do is keep trying. I have no other choice. It felt good to actually write this down, sorry it got so long. I guess i just want to know if you think that she could be a little bit interested, or if it's worth asking her if she wants to grab that beer at some time. I am really bad at expressing myself or how i feel, so i hope i make sense and don't sound like an arrogant jerk, i have heard that before - i am just not a big or good talker.. Thank you for reading.

  • Post by: Kasey
  • 2016-08-16 21:28:48

Comments/responses from other people...

Comment/reply from : Miaka
Posted : 2016-11-07 09:47:59


No, you don't sound like a douche bag, and you sound genuine enough. If I were you, I'd ask her out and be done with it. If you like her so much, and are not sure of her feelings (she seems interested enough), give it a shot. A lot of girls don't ask guys out, and she's somewhat shy, so be the man to take the next step. Even if she does not like you, at least you're no longer tortured and confused. By the way, if she said she had to stay with her family more due to something, maybe she does. You shouldn't dismiss it and her assuming it's a bad excuse. It could have been and may be true. You did mention you guys talk a lot in class, and she was willing to go out for a beer.

Comment/reply from : Aperonom - United States - Central Bridge
Posted : 2016-11-09 22:29:50


Thank you very much for posting, I really enjoyed reading your "long" post :)